The Mental Load of Feeding a Child with ARFID.

One of the hardest parts of parenting a child with ARFID is the constant mental load that comes with feeding them. It’s not just making meals - its constantly thinking about what they are going to eat.

Grocery Store Mental Checklist

The constant worry of “Will my child have something to eat?” pretty much flows through your veins in every aspect of daily life - especially something as simple as going to the grocery store.

I buy a lot of the same foods every trip. And I am constantly checking the stock at home to make sure I have at least 2 packages of each of J’s safe foods. I have to do quick mental calculations at the store of if what I’m buying will be enough for the week.

It’s the panic I feel when I can’t find a safe food - some things J eats are very specific and not all stores have it - there has been a couple times recently where I have not been able to find mini toaster waffles (Eggo is the only brand that makes them) - and I panic drove to 3 different stores because in my mind, I HAD to find them. There is no other option for this particular safe food.

Don’t even get me started on the changing of packages. I try to minimize brand specific choices as much as I can by taking foods out of their packaging and putting them all in the same neutral style containers, but sometimes it just doesn't work and he can notice the difference. Once he notices a difference, that safe food is usually no longer on our list.

The Pressure Around Nutrition

This has been a big one for me to overcome.

As a parent, you want to make sure your child is eating, preferably decently balanced meals and snacks. In the ARFID world, EATING and eating alone is the goal - no matter what it is.

J doesn't have a lot of protein in his diet. One or two safe foods , but he doesn't always eat those everyday. There are some days he gets no protein. Apples used to be a safe food, but not recently. He gets no fruit, and he gets no vegetables. His diet is very beige - which I have found is fairly common amongst the ARFID community.

“It’s important to offer a variety of foods.”

“Make sure they eat the rainbow”

Quite honestly, I just want my child to eat.

I don’t care what color it is.

I feel quite guilty that he eats the same things every day, it’s so hard to feel like it’s not your fault your child eats this way (As a reminder - it is NOT your fault, simply the way our kiddos are wired!)

It took me forever to find a multivitamin I could give J that wasn’t a gummy or a terrible tasting liquid. The only vitamin we have had success with is the EllaOla powered multivitamin, you can find the one we use here.

This is not sponsored - just want to pass along something that has helped us! :)

Safe Foods Suddenly Changing

A safe food isn’t always a safe food. There is the fear of wondering, “Will today be the day he drops this safe food?” Something that has been a safe food and a constant for MONTHS, can suddenly disappear without warning. Sometimes the look can change, the recipe could of changed, or simply they are burnt out. Food jags happen. And it honestly wrecks me when it happens.

The Emotional Exhaustion

People will see my child refusing dinner. They are probably thinking my child is misbehaving. What they don’t see is the mental exhaustion happening behind the scenes.

I always feel the need to explain J’s eating habits to everyone we come across. When we go places, I always have to make sure we have a few of his safe foods. I am not trying to be rude by bringing my own food - but this is how things look in our world. If I have to carry around a container of pretzels - then that is what I am going to do.

When other people say how much their child eats, its hard not to feel a sense of jealousy or isolation. I will often think to myself, I wish I could get J to eat a bigger variety - its just not in the cards right now. The relief I would feel if he had more variety in his diet.

If you are carrying this mental load too - you are not alone. Feeding a child with ARFID can be emotionally exhausting in way people outside of it rarely understand.

Sometimes getting your child to eat anything at all takes more effort than people will ever realize. And if that is your reality too, I see you.