The Things I’ve Had to Let Go of as an Autism Mom

Before I became a parent, I had a picture in my head of what parenting would look like.

What feeding my children would look like. What family outings would look like. What our routines would look like. I think most of us do.

Then I became a mom and quickly realized I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.

The sleepless nights, the constant exhaustion, and trying to function on 2–3 hours of sleep every day were things I never fully expected.

Then, when we found out J had autism, I had to reset those expectations all over again.

I realized that some things were going to look different for our family. Feeding would look different. Outings would look different. Daily life would look different.

And I’m learning that’s okay.

In fact, one of the biggest things I’ve had to learn as an autism mom is how to let go of the expectations I once had and make room for the reality in front of me.

Letting go of “normal”.

I use “normal” loosely. I am talking about normal in the sense of certain milestones, how meals look, and family outings. Every child is different, but there are certain aspects of life that is said it “should be” this way.

I’ll start with milestones because it’s one of the bigger differences between children. When I became a mom, I knew the general idea of milestones. J was hitting them all, he was even ahead in some of them. He walked before he was one.

As he got older though, children younger than him were talking, and J just wasn’t there yet. I hate to say it but I was jealous of everyone else’s child who could talk - here was my son, 2 years old and wasn’t talking yet.

I know you are never supposed to compare your children to others, but how can you not when another child is doing something your child “should” already have been doing.

I had to learn to let go of the expectation of J being on a “timeline”, the only “timeline” he is on - is his.  He will hit milestones and accomplish things when HE is ready.

Next, I’d say how meals should “typically” look. When I was growing up - I was also an extremely picky eater, and we never really ate at the table as a family. We would just eat wherever we wanted. So naturally I have adapted that same routine in my adult life and with my own family.

Despite being a picky eater as a child, I generally thought once your children started eating, they would basically eat anything you gave them - because how would they know any better? I wanted so bad to be like the moms I saw on Pinterest with the super cutesy plates and fun food presentation. Once I noticed how picky J was becoming, I had to let go of the picture I had created in my head of what family meals would look like.

The Pinterest-worthy plates, the perfectly balanced meals, and the idea that my child would happily eat whatever I put in front of him just wasn’t our reality.

And honestly? That’s okay.

What matters isn’t how pretty the plate looks. What matters is that my child feels safe around food and is getting the nourishment he needs.

I also had to let go of the idea that we could just pick up and go wherever we wanted whenever we wanted.

Many outings require planning, preparation, and sometimes deciding whether it’s worth disrupting our routine at all.

For a long time, I compared our family to others who seemed to be constantly out doing things. Eventually, I realized that success doesn’t have to look the same for every family.

Sometimes staying home is what works best for us, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Letting go of other people’s expectations

One thing I am still working on is letting go of other people’s expectations.

I still find myself explaining things more than I probably need to. Why my child eats certain foods. Why we do things differently. Why we leave early. Why our routines matter. Why we won’t force him to do anything that isn’t necessary.

For a long time, I felt like I needed everyone to understand.

I wanted people to know we weren’t doing things differently because we were lazy, permissive, or not trying hard enough.

The reality is, some people will understand and some won’t. Not everyone will judge you, but some will.

And honestly? I’m still learning that I don’t need everyone’s approval in order to do what is best for my family.

Looking back, there are a lot of things I’ve had to let go of as an autism mom.

Timelines.

Perfect meals.

Spontaneous outings.

Other people’s expectations.

And while I’m still learning every day, I’ve realized that letting go of those expectations didn’t take anything away from our family.

It gave me the freedom to appreciate our life for what it is, instead of constantly wishing it looked different.

Because the truth is, things do look different for our family.

And that’s okay.