Is It ARFID or Picky Eating? (How To Tell The Difference)

Every parent has probably wondered at some point - is it just picky eating, or is it something more?

As J got older, and his diet became more and more limited, I started to wonder if there was more to it than just “picky eating”.

People would constantly tell me:

“Kids are just picky”

“He will grow out of it”

“Don’t be a short order cook”

And my personal favorite…..

“If he is hungry enough, he will eat it”.

Deep down, I knew there was more to it. I knew he wouldn’t eat something if he was “hungry enough”. He would wait for a safe food.

This wasn’t just about disliking broccoli or refusing vegetables. (For the record, I didn’t eat vegetables until I was in my 20s - however… I digress)

This was so much more. This was anxiety. Straight up refusal. Would not touch it, would not allow it in his space.

Fear.

I didn’t know what to do, so I obviously always made sure J had his safe foods. I wasn’t going to make my child sit at the table until he ate something I knew he wouldn’t eat. That never felt fair to me.

Once he was diagnosed with ARFID, everything started to become clearer.

What “Typical” Picky Eating Can Look Like

Typical picky eating usually looks more like strong preferences than fear or anxiety around food.

A picky eater may avoid certain textures or refuse vegetables, but they will still usually eat from several food groups and can generally find something they are comfortable eating. Their “favorite foods” may change often, and while they might complain about trying something new, it usually does not cause intense distress or panic.

Most picky eaters are still able to tolerate new foods being on their plate or around them, even if they choose not to eat them.

For many kids, this is a phase and it is outgrown.

What Felt Different For Us

As J got older, I expected his diet to obviously grow the older he got. Instead, it went the opposite way. I was offering foods he ate many times before and he was refusing it multiple days in a row.

What started to stand out to me was that this didn’t feel like a choice - it felt like anxiety. Both for him and me.

Safe foods were extremely specific - brands mattered. He could tell the difference. Even the kind of bowl the food was being served in was specific.

Entire food groups were being avoided. No dairy other than milk - no fruit - no vegetables. Someone said something to me once, “Oh - he doesn't eat any kind of vegetables?”

Nope. No he does not.

Honestly - comments like that made me feel incredibly isolated as a parent. Like I was doing something wrong. I hated constantly feeling like I had to explain or defend his eating habits.

I dreaded mealtimes. Honestly? I hated the fact I had to feed him.

I know it sounds bad, but when food is constantly refused or a meltdown happens because there is a different food in his space - it becomes a chore and emotionally exhausting.

Hunger didn’t override fear or anxiety. He would rather not eat than eat something that didn’t feel safe to him.

Trust Your Instincts

I knew deep down that it was more than just picky eating. Even long before we had an official diagnosis. I had “ARFID” just sitting in the back of my brain, waiting to become reality.

If your child’s relationship with food feels rooted in fear, anxiety or distress - trust yourself. If you have a feeling, even if its small - it is worth checking into…..every single time.

You know your child better than anyone else.

Whether it’s ARFID or not, struggling with food is hard - for kids and parents.

And if you are in that stage right now, you are NOT alone.