Things People Don’t See About Autism Parenting

Some days, I feel like autism parenting is a world within a world — full of beauty, challenge, and little moments that most people never notice or they don’t understand why it’s such a big deal. I started writing this blog to shine a light on that unseen side of our journey — the love, the exhaustion, the real thoughts and the in-between moments that shape who we are as a family.

From the outside, it’s easy to see the meltdowns, the therapy appointments, and the routines that rule our days. It’s just as easy to judge why we do things the way we do But what people don’t see — the things that happen in the quiet moments, behind closed doors — those are the parts that define autism parenting the most.

They don’t see the preparation that goes into everything.

Before every outing, there’s a mental checklist: diaper bag, extra clothes, snacks, favorite toy,s backup plan. wondering if we should even leave the house - honestly, we don’t leave too much. I’ve learned to think three steps ahead, not only because I try to prepare for every possible situation (which jokes on me - you can’t do that as a parent) but because I want calm — for J, for R and honestly, for myself.

They don’t see the heartbreak when something simple turns into a struggle.

something as small as a change in routine or a loud noise (or the wrong pair of socks, or a new pair of shoes) can send our whole day off course. i am working on trying to hold my breath during these moments, because it’s frustrating and it’s hard to understand why it’s such a huge deal.. but that’s the thing - even if it’s not a big deal to me - it’s a big deal to j. I know he isn’t being difficult - he simply can’t help it. he is trying his best in a world that can feel too loud, too bright and too unpredictable.

They don’t see the victories that make it all worth it.

When J tries a new food( even when he touches a new food) or says a new word, or shows us how smart he is — those are our celebrations. They might look small to the world, but they’re huge here. And when R cheers for his brother right alongside me, I’m reminded that love needs no words. it sounds cliche - but it really is the little things.

They don’t see the constant balancing act.

Trying to meet both of my boys’ needs, while remembering I have needs, too — it’s not easy. There are days I feel stretched thin, and others where I feel like I’m finally getting it right. (those are few and far in-between). But every day, I’m learning that showing up with love matters more than showing up perfectly, and I hope my boys know that I am trying my best…even if I do yell at them like a crazy lady sometimes..

They don’t see the constant battle within yourself.

Am I doing enough? have I not tried hard enough? have I made things worse? am I giving my all to both of my kids? it’s so easy to sit there and wonder if you have done enough for your children (autistic or not). I am constantly feeling this way. I say it more than I probably should, but there are times that I just feel like my boys deserve better than me. I always wonder if it looks like I am giving j more attention than r. and if r feels some type of way about it. parenting a special needs child, and a neurotypical child is a major balancing act….and I feel like I drop the ball more often than I should.. I try to give them both the same attention, but they both have different needs. one day I (hopefully) will understand that.

Autism parenting isn’t always visible. But it’s real, it’s challenging and it’s full of love — the kind that’s patient, fierce, and unconditional. And that’s what people don’t see…….. but maybe they should. 💙

If you’ve ever felt unseen in your parenting journey, know that you’re not alone. Share this post with someone who needs the reminder today.