5 Things I Wish I Knew Before My Child’s Autism Diagnosis

When you first start noticing signs, your mind goes a million directions — worry, confusion, guilt, hope, and a whole lot of “what ifs.” I remember those days so clearly.

Now that we’re further along, there are so many things I wish I could go back and tell that version of me — the one holding her coffee, Googling late at night, wondering if she was doing something wrong, or did something wrong during her pregnancy.

For a long time - I blamed myself. I thought back to everything I did during my pregnancy, and tried to pin point something I did that could of caused J’s autism. did I not eat right? did i eat too much? was it the anti-depressants? was I not active enough? so many thoughts go through your head., and those thoughts are LOUD.

it wasn’t until recently (within the last year or less I would say) that I realized it was nothing I did, it was simply who j was meant to be.

Here’s what I wish I knew before my child’s autism diagnosis — and what I want other moms to know too!

1. You’re Not a Bad Mom for Wondering

When I first started noticing differences in J - it was before he turned one, like how he interacted, how certain things overwhelmed him, — I felt torn between trusting my instincts and not wanting to overreact. what was my instinct? my instinct was he was autistic.

No one tells you how much guilt comes with those early questions. You start second-guessing everything: “Am I missing something? Am I overthinking?” I told my family, that I felt like j was autistic but no one else thought he was. oh, every child learns on their own time. boys just take longer. he will do it when he’s ready..

If that’s where you are right now, please know this — wondering, advocating, and seeking answers doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you the mom your child needs.

2. A Diagnosis Doesn’t Change Who Your Child Is

I was scared of the word autism — because of what it meant and because of what I thought it would change.

But when the official diagnosis came, nothing about J actually changed. he was still the same happy little boy who loves trains, monster trucks and snacks. (just to name a few of his current favorite things) all it did was confirm what I already knew….. and ensured we would be able to get the help and resources that j needs.

What changed was me — I realize I needed to have a better understanding of how his brain works, what helps him thrive, and how to support him better. I will be honest - we are about a year and half into our journey - he was diagnosed February 2024 - I still have a lot to learn and a lot to work on. but I am trying, that is what matters, right?

A diagnosis doesn’t define your child — it helps you understand their world.

3. Therapy Takes Time (and That’s Okay)

I am an extremely impatient person,(if anyone who is reading this, knows me personally - shocker, right??), and I get really discouraged when things do not progress as quickly as I would like them to.. (again, shocker right???!!)

When we started therapies, I thought I’d see progress right away. (boy was I wrong!!) I imagined these big “aha” moments and huge milestones and overnight progress. But the truth i - progress is slow — and that’s okay. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Sometimes you don’t notice change until one day, something clicks: a new word, a calm moment, interacting with a new food (even if it’s just touching it) - Those are the wins worth celebrating.

Therapy isn’t about fixing your child — it’s about helping them shine in their own way, at their own pace. it is all about learning how to meet them where they are at..

4. You’ll Learn to Celebrate Differently

Before J’s diagnosis, I used to compare milestones — sitting, talking, playing, all the things you see other kids doing. I remember being so upset because j was almost 2 and a half and he wasn’t really talking, aside from a couple words. it was mostly babbling.

but now, I celebrate differently.

When J tries a new food, handles a change in routine, or says a new word, it’s a huge deal. These moments might look small from the outside, but to us, they’re everything.

You learn to see joy in progress that others might overlook — and it makes life so much richer.

5. You’re Not Alone — And You’ll Find Your People

The early days can feel isolating, like no one understands what you’re going through. But once you start connecting with other parents — online, in support groups, or even in therapy waiting rooms — you realize you’re not alone at all. this is a big part of why I wanted to start this blog and my Facebook page. there are days where I still feel isolated and alone - but I am hoping as my pages grow, that feeling will not be so loud.

There’s an entire community of moms who’ve been right where you are — who get it, who listen without judgment, and who remind you that you’re doing amazing even on the hard days.

You’ll find your people — and they’ll become a lifeline on the days you need it most.

If you’re reading this and you’re somewhere between worry and diagnosis — take a breath. You’re not failing, you’re not behind, and you’re not alone.

The diagnosis isn’t the end of the story — it’s the beginning of understanding your child in a whole new way.

You’ll grow, learn, and find strength you didn’t even know you had. And one day, you’ll look back — just like I am now — and wish you could tell your past self:

You’ve got this. And it’s going to be okay.

If you’re at the beginning of your autism journey, know that you don’t have to do it alone.

Join me over on Facebook at Calm in the Chaos – Autism Mom Life — a safe space to connect, vent, and remind each other that we’re doing our best every single day.