Our Second Year - Before the Diagnosis

If J’s first year was all about learning how to be a mom, his second year was learning how to trust my instincts - and be confident in them.

I didn’t go into that year expecting anything to feel different - we made it through the newborn phase, sleepless nights, constant feedings and endless guessing. As the months went on, I kept noticing things that were making the gut feeling louder and louder.

I remember watching other toddlers talking and wishing my son would talk too - and wondering why he wasn’t. I know you shouldn’t compare your child to other children, but it’s really hard not to when social media is so prevalent these days.

J stayed in his own little world and did his own thing. We had our wellness visits with the doctor and we were basically just keeping an eye on things - seeing if his speech developed mostly.

Big Changes

October 2022 hit us pretty hard. The 3 of us were hit by COVID - thankfully we all recovered just fine. This same week -my husbands grandfather passed away pretty unexpectedly. Then 13 days later, his grandmother passed away. I remember being there when she passed away - I had told her me and my husband had made the decision to start trying for another baby.

November rolled around, and it was Thanksgiving time. I decided to take a pregnancy test, just to see. It was early, but I just felt like I had to take one. To our surprise - it was a very faint positive - we were pregnant!

Finding Out We Were Expecting Again

That tiny faint line brought a mix of emotions I’ll never forget. Excitement, nervousness, hope, and a little bit of fear all tangled together. Part of me felt like it was meant to be — almost like his grandparents were still watching over us and sending a little blessing our way after such a heavy season. I always say babies come when they are meant to come. That very saying proved true.

As the weeks went on, I was trying to soak up the joy of expecting our second baby, but I was also carrying this growing worry about J. He was sweet, vibrant, and so full of his own little magic — but something in me couldn’t ignore the signs anymore. He wasn’t talking. He wasn’t pointing. He didn’t respond to his name consistently. And I felt myself spiraling between “maybe he’s just taking his time” and “what if something more is going on?”

The Quiet Fears

The hardest part was feeling like I was living in two worlds at once — preparing for a new baby while trying to understand what was going on with my first. I felt guilty for worrying so much, guilty for not knowing what to do, guilty for not being able to “fix” anything… even though deep down I knew this wasn’t something I could fix. I just needed answers.

Moving Toward Answers

Eventually, that gut feeling became too loud for me to keep ignoring. I talked to our pediatrician again. I asked more questions. It wasn’t about being paranoid — it was about advocating for my child, even when the path felt confusing and overwhelming.

And that’s when things slowly started shifting. More referrals. More questionnaires. More “let’s watch and wait.”

I remember thinking, how long do we watch and wait before we actually do something?

It was in those moments — between the uncertainty, the research, the mom guilt, and the instinct that wouldn’t quiet down — that I truly learned what trusting myself as a mother meant.

The Months Leading Up to Baby #2

Once we saw that positive test, everything felt like it shifted into fast-forward. I was growing another tiny human while still trying to understand what was going on with my first baby. Pregnancy already comes with enough emotional ups and downs, but this time felt heavier… more layered.

As my belly grew, so did my worries. J was still mostly quiet, still in his own world, still not hitting the communication milestones we were hoping for. Some days I convinced myself he just needed more time. Other days, that voice in my head kept reminding me that something deeper might be going on.

We went through the motions — more doctor visits, more check-ins, more “let’s see where he is in a few months.” I tried so hard to enjoy the little moments: J’s giggles, his cuddles, the way he’d line up his toys so carefully. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t holding my breath half the time, wondering what the next chapter would bring.

The Transition to Becoming a Mom of Two

Time kept moving whether I was ready or not. (Which I wasn’t ready - AT ALL)

Before I knew it, it was summer, and we were getting close to meeting our second baby. I remember packing my hospital bag and thinking about how much life had changed in just a year — from toddler milestones and gut feelings to grief, a new pregnancy, and so much uncertainty.

I was terrified of becoming a mom of 2 and wondering how I could love someone as much as I love J, I didn’t think I could manage 2 children. I had a lot of anxiety about it.

When R was born, everything softened for a moment. That feeling when they place your baby on your chest — nothing else exists. For the first time in months, I felt a tiny bit of peace. We were a family of four. J was a big brother. And I had this overwhelming mix of joy and responsibility, like I suddenly had two hearts living outside my body. But at the same time - I felt as if J would suffer from adding a new baby to the mix.

The Start of the Evaluation Journey

R was just two weeks old when the evaluation process for J officially began. I was dealing with recovery from my second c-section , postpartum depression rearing its ugly head, adjusting to life with a newborn, and trying to keep our little world running — all while stepping into a whole new phase of appointments, questionnaires, and unfamiliar acronyms.

It was a lot.

But it was also the beginning of getting the answers I’d been searching for.

Looking Back

When I think about J’s second year now, it feels like a turning point — the year I learned to stop doubting myself and start trusting that quiet voice inside me. It wasn’t an easy year. It was messy and emotional and full of moments where I didn’t know what came next. But it was also the year that started to shape me into the mom I needed to become for both of my boys. The year that taught me advocacy, patience, and strength in ways I never expected. And even though I didn’t have all the answers yet, I was finally on the path to finding them — just as our family was growing and changing in the most beautiful way.